[Galactic News Network]

10/03/2185
October 3rd, 2010

The Salarian Institute for Exo-Archeological Research announced today that the latest addition to its museum is now open to the public. “Our new ‘Lost to the Ashes’ wing is devoted to sapient races destroyed by nuclear war,” said institute director Narid Jarwinar. “So far, we know of six species in the galaxy whose history has been devastated by the fires of atomic Armageddon. Entire civilizations once flourished, rose to great heights of scientific advancement, and then destroyed themselves over disagreements we can often only speculate about.” The museum’s new exhibit specializes in preserving artifacts of those lost races in an effort to shed light on their history. “Who knows what these races might have offered the galaxy? By carefully analyzing the remnants of these cultures, we may yet decipher a nugget of knowledge that puts a face to these unknown people.”

Tags: Lost to the Ashes, Narid Jarwinar, Salarian Institute for Exo-Archeological Research

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[Galactic News Network]

10/02/2185
October 2nd, 2010

The average vorcha has a life expectancy of only twenty years — can that be extended? If so, should it? These questions are being asked after a paper published by Dr. Minador Lux claimed experimental gene therapy might be able to double the vorcha lifespan. At a press conference, Lux stated that “the unique biology of the vorcha already holds the key to slowing down their aging process. We must simply adapt their ability to undergo radical cellular changes when adjusting to new environments.” The report was widely condemned by the scientific community, including the University of Sehgan’s biology professor Himar Patathor: “Lux’s paper combines gross irresponsibility with wishful thinking. The doctor is talking about waltzing in and tinkering with basic physiology as if he were beading genes on a string! This could only begin to be excusable if he solicited the opinion of a single vorcha about his work — which he has not.”

Tags: Himar Patathor, Minador Lux, University of Sehgan, vorcha

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[Galactic News Network]

10/01/2185
October 1st, 2010

From the outside, it looks like a collection of silver bubbles linked by tubes — but inside, it’s a busy city filled with people from all species. That’s the dream of Javier Oha, an architect participating in “Impending Design”, a seminar on the future of cities as the galaxy moves into the [Earth Standard Date] 23rd century. “We have to accommodate changes in taste while maintaining full functionality for all sentient peoples,” says Oha. “For example, the interior of the ‘bubble-city’ is designed to be comfortable for body sizes ranging from volus to krogan. The modular rooms, inspired by Earth-colony buildings, give us a structure that can be taken apart and rearranged to meet any needs.” Oha urges curious viewers to take a virtual tour of these experimental cities online.

Tags: earth, Impending Design, Javier Oha

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[Galactic News Network]

09/30/2185
September 30th, 2010

A protest on the human colony planet of Sathur turned ugly today as demonstrators clashed with security forces outside the Regional Governor’s offices. With unemployment figures up by ten percent, planetary governor Vien Suchart has proposed a bill to devote the colony’s resources toward the growing of ossilbir, a high-nutrition vine that’s become an Alliance military staple. Given the 90% average humidity across most of the planet, Sathur is ideal for growing ossilbir, but protestors fear that the new plant will overrun entire continents. Many are using the almost-uninhabitable garden world of Cassilda as an example of what can go wrong when a non-native species is introduced to a new environment.

Tags: Alliance, Cassilda, ossilbir, Sathur, Vien Suchart

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[Galactic News Network]

09/29/2185
September 29th, 2010

Controversial musician Gretel Batts is seeking treatment after an onstage meltdown. The latest scandal surrounding the unpredictable rocker involved her walking out on a charity concert on Earth after an obscenity-laced rant. Her band, the Dramaxeens, kept playing during the often-incomprehensible and vulgar tirade but soon dropped off when it became clear the obscenities weren’t part of the lyrics. The ten-minute exchange, which heaped scorn on (among others) the Vol Protectorate, the concert’s sponsor, Pope Leo XIV, and Sonax Industries, culminated in Batts throwing her guitar at the crowd and being restrained by security before she could do further harm to herself or others. Already a new turn of phrase is circulating on the extranet — we can’t repeat it here, but it starts with “Batts” and ends with “crazy.”

Tags: Dramaxeens, earth, Gretel Batts, Pope Leo XIV, Sonax Industries, vol protectorate

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[Galactic News Network]

09/28/2185
September 28th, 2010

“The Galaxy of Fantasy” expansion pack “Waters of Kolono” continues to dominate the charts, but users are complaining about long load times, lagging servers, and frequent disconnection. Many users have purchased multiple accounts to play with all new classes at once, but head of development Reta Latronus asked users to stick to single accounts during the first few days of the release. She warns that so many VI-assisted hacks running at the same time will slow the realm down to a crawl. “Our servers should be running smoothly by the end of the week,” she said, “In the meantime, just find a team.”

Tags: Galaxy of Fantasy, Reta Latronus, Waters of Kolono

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[Galactic News Network]

09/27/2185
September 27th, 2010

Geologists studying the crust of the seemingly lifeless low-gravity planet Sifurman have discovered a fossil of what may be the largest creature in the galaxy ever to walk on land. “It’s the thrill of a lifetime,” says Professor Orin Taul. “We theorized Sifurman used to support life, and this is proof beyond our wildest dreams.” Paleontologists have already partially reconstructed the skeleton and say that this unknown giant had four legs and would weigh up to 280 tons in Earth gravity. Taul added, “We’re still analyzing the data, but I suspect the creature will share structural similarities with Late Cretaceous sauropods on prehistoric Earth.” Soft tissue analysis is sketchy, but it hints at the giant’s secondary and tertiary “hearts” that would have pumped blood to its neck and tail.

Tags: Orin Taul, Professor Orin Taul, Sifurman

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[Galactic News Network]

09/26/2185
September 26th, 2010

Deadlocked Council deliberations over the fate of Ambassador Sygan ended today with a surprising twist: the Council will grant asylum to the virtual alien emissary in the body of a volunteer, allowing famed MIT exobiologist Dr. Jordan Detweiler to return to his own body. Ambassador Sygan will transfer her consciousness into the volunteer’s body, while the volunteer’s consciousness is downloaded into a computer. Upon hearing this decision, some 400 individuals from various races have volunteered to “swap places” with aliens inside the virtual world who wish to re-join the physical universe. One asari volunteer regarded this as “an amazing opportunity to explore a new realm of existence,” while a salarian volunteer said, “I’m doing it because I’m tired of our universe. It’s a mess.”

Tags: Ambassador Sygan, Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler, virtual world

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[Galactic News Network]

09/25/2185
September 25th, 2010

After yesterday’s stunning request for asylum, Ambassador Sygan has been placed in a secure wing of the Presidium while the Citadel Council deliberates its course of action. Questions have arisen about the legal, ethical, and physical implications of allowing the emissary to remain in Dr. Jordan Detweiler’s body while the exobiologist’s mind remains in the virtual alien world. When asked what the Council should do if the aliens were to hold Detweiler hostage, Detweiler’s daughter, Kyra, said, “Pull the plug. Remind them who’s really in control.” The Council has already ruled out this option, citing the moral implications of of wiping out the last remnants of an entire civilization.

Tags: Ambassador Sygan, Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler, Kyra Detweiler, virtual world

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[Galactic News Network]

09/24/2185
September 24th, 2010

Breaking news tonight from the Citadel, where Ambassador Sygan, the virtual alien inhabiting Dr. Jordan Detweiler’s body, called an unscheduled press conference to issue the following statement: “Long ago, our people lived in your universe of physical matter. When our sun went supernova, we sought refuge in a virtual world free of needless pain and suffering, climate disasters, disease, and many other ills faced by creatures of solid flesh. Some now feel that remaining in this world after the danger had passed was a mistake. We realize that distress can sometimes provide a catalyst for evolution. We miss the turmoil of physical existence. As such, I formally petition the Citadel Council for asylum. I no longer wish to return to my former world.”

Tags: Ambassador Sygan, citadel, Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler

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[Galactic News Network]

09/23/2185
September 23rd, 2010

The scientific world is still absorbing the news that an ambassador from a virtual alien civilization is currently visiting the Citadel. An inside source reveals that during his travels within the virtual civilization, MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler agreed to allow the virtual consciousness of an Ambassador Sygan to use his body as a conduit to interact with our physical universe. It is unclear to what extent Dr. Detweiler maintains control of his body. “It’s complicated,” said the source. “We aren’t just talking about diplomatic ties between two planets or species, but between two universes: one physical, the other virtual.” The source has refused to divulge details on the nature of the virtual alien world.

Tags: Ambassador Sygan, Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler

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[Galactic News Network]

09/22/2185
September 22nd, 2010

“Waters of Kolono,” the newest expansion for “Galaxy of Fantasy,” is the hottest gaming title this season with an estimated 3.14 billion downloads after yesterday’s midnight release. The title is already out-grossing mega-simulstim “Nekyia Corridor,” but the producers aren’t flaunting that fact. “We’re just pleased that both long-time fans and newcomers to the game are excited about this expansion,” says lead designer Ferrus Korlick. “Players can now immerse themselves in 200 to 300 hours of new gameplay.” Korlick also addressed technical difficulties with the release: “For those having some trouble logging on from Earth, we ask for your patience. We haven’t fully recovered from the fire in the server stadium last night.”

Tags: Ferrus Korlick, Galaxy of Fantasy, nekyia corridor, Waters of Kolono

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[Galactic News Network]

09/21/2185
September 21st, 2010

A furor has erupted over the recent GBC News conversation with Kyra Detweiler, daughter of noted MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler. Ms. Detweiler alleged the Citadel Council is covering up her father’s deteriorating medical condition, triggering a media backlash from all quarters of the galaxy. In response, the Council held a hastily arranged press conference to manage damage control, at which spokesman Anton Galer said: “Acting on behalf of the Council, Jordan Detweiler did indeed visit the virtual alien world he discovered. Yes, Dr. Detweiler was seen on the Presidium recently, but this was his body, not his mind. He has, for lack of a better term, ‘swapped’ with an alien consciousness in the virtual world. This procedure was the most stable way for their ambassador to gain access to our physical universe for diplomatic discussions.” A stunned media corps quickly erupted with questions, but the Council spokesman declined further comment.

Tags: Anton Galer, Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler, Kyra Detweiler

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[Galactic News Network]

09/20/2185
September 20th, 2010

Kyra Detweiler, daughter of famed MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler, has released a statement to GBC News alleging the Citadel Council is covering up her father’s deteriorating medical condition. “He didn’t even know who I was — his own daughter! I got five minutes to speak with him before security whisked him away. Is he sick? Is he brain-damaged?” Council representatives declined to comment on the situation, fueling speculation that Dr. Detweiler was profoundly changed by his visit to the virtual world inside a derelict spacecraft. “Silence is a terrible answer,” wrote columnist Urla Dhen. “The public doesn’t know much, but it knows that anything relating to AI or synthetic life is something to fear. Refusing to comment leads us all to assume the worst.”

Tags: Citadel Council, council, GBC News, Jordan Detweiler, Kyra Detweiler, Urla Dhen

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[Galactic News Network]

09/19/2185
September 19th, 2010

An unusual twist today in the case of MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler: acting on recent rumors that he was seen visiting the Citadel, Detweiler’s daughter, Kyra, traveled to the galactic hub and demanded a meeting with him. Although she signed a confidentiality agreement, Ms. Detweiler claims she was repeatedly denied access. “They only let me see my dad after I raised hell about it,” she said. “I can be prosecuted for speaking to the media, but I don’t care. He’s in danger. There’s something wrong with him and the Council knows it.” Council representatives continue to refuse comment on the matter.

Tags: Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler, Kyra Detweiler

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[Galactic News Network]

09/18/2185
September 18th, 2010

In a disturbing discovery, two hikers recently found a mass grave on the planet of Uresium. Investigators have now confirmed over 430 skeletal remains of turian soldiers dating back to the Krogan Rebellions of 749 CE. Recent seismic activity on Uresium exposed the grave, which had been overgrown by local flora. Turian authorities have begun work with local colonists to ensure the integrity of the site and its remains. Chief archaeologist and historian Salur Darikun released a statement saying, “We will ensure that these sons and daughters of the Turian Hierarchy are returned home and recognized for their supreme sacrifice.” Darikun hopes to begin transporting the remains to Palaven early next week, with a laying-to-rest ceremony planned for later in the month.

Tags: Krogan Rebellions, Palaven, Salur Darikun, Uresium
Posted in Official News | 67 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

09/17/2185
September 17th, 2010

Political commentator Erlan Golta clashed today with Bryan Theodor, host of the popular late-night “Eye on the Stars.” Golta appeared on the show to discuss his new book “Juggling the Monkeys: An Insider’s View of the Tower.” When Theodor accused Golta of being deliberately inflammatory in his portrayal of Council politics, Golta said “Are you kidding? I could show you signed orders drawn up to book Commander Shepard on obstruction of justice. And this is from the offices of the Councilors after the [expletive] Battle of the Citadel.” Messages both condemning and applauding the controversial writer have flooded in. When asked about Golta’s guest appearance, Theodor remarked “It’s always a pleasure. Anytime Golta wants to be catastrophically wrong in front of millions of viewers, I’m happy to have him on.”

Tags: Bryan Theodor, Citadel Council, Commander Shepard, council, Erlan Golta, Eye on the Stars, Juggling the Monkeys: An Insider's View of the Tower

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[Galactic News Network]

09/16/2185
September 16th, 2010

Recent polls show that two out of five respondents can’t name their Citadel Representative, and that three out of ten don’t know the difference between full and associate membership on the Council. Educators and political parties are calling the polls an alarming indication of just how little the average citizen feels connected to galactic-level politics. “Even if a Council member makes a decision that trillions love,” critiqued political commentator Erlan Golta, “billions will still hate it. So they take a middle road that turns their macro-level policy decisions into pure bureaucratese. A typical Council meeting produces a novel-length request for new Citadel carpeting before the issues that affect everyone else are actually discussed.”

Tags: Citadel Council, council, Erlan Golta

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[Galactic News Network]

09/15/2185
September 15th, 2010

The famed “virtual ghost ship” is back in the news today after a reported sighting of MIT exobiologist Jordan Detweiler. This follows weeks of rumors that Detweiler had embarked on a diplomatic mission into a virtual alien world that he discovered on the ship’s supercomputer. It is now understood that Detweiler’s body remained in a controlled coma while his consciousness explored the artificial civilization. However, multiple eyewitnesses on the Citadel claim to have seen Detweiler visiting the Presidium recently. A Council spokesperson would only say, “We do not comment on internal Citadel matters.” This fueled speculation that Detweiler was indeed acting on behalf of the Council in his logins to the virtual world.

Tags: Citadel Council, council, Ghost Ship, Jordan Detweiler

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[Galactic News Network]

09/14/2185
September 14th, 2010

Sonax Industries’ decision to withdraw from the planet Garvug is still making waves tonight as pundits absorb the news. “The lesson here is that corporate forces can’t hold a planet on their own,” said Josef Kohl, GBC news contributor. “They can’t face a determined enemy. Might be useful as supplemental troops or in corporate-on-corporate actions, but war is an inherently unprofitable enterprise.” Julius Redstone, former adviser to President Durden, says the board did the right thing: “The army gave it all they had and couldn’t destroy the guerillas’ capacity to pull off large, coordinated attacks. The one-sided war that it was in the first few months would have been profitable; but as soon as that metric disappeared, they had to pull out. Iridium only sells for so much.”

Tags: Garvug, GBC News, Josef Kohl, Julius Redstone, President Durden, Sonax Industries