[Galactic News Network]

12/22/2185
December 22nd, 2010

Citadel Council investigators have announced formal charges against 14 of 24 board members of Sonax Industries and Guanghui Solutions. The move follows an investigation that confirmed those companies withheld Prothean technology from the galactic community for personal gain and instigated an interplanetary war to that end. The investigation credited unnamed Spectres who secured what they say was “irrefutable evidence” of the corporations’ complicity. Included in those indicted is Sonax supreme commander Lira Speight. High Commissioner of Galactic Rights Yrania Asula said, “The acts of these corporations went beyond mere illegality and into crimes against the galactic populace. We invoke the right of the Council to admit evidence garnered by Council representatives to prosecute the parties involved for their misdeeds.” Lira Speight’s office reportedly responded with the following statement: “Try.”

Tags: Citadel Council, Garvug, Guanghui Solutions, Lira Speight, Prothean, Protheans, Sonax Industries, spectre, Supreme Commander Lira Speight, Yrania Asula

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[Galactic News Network]

12/21/2185
December 21st, 2010

It was grueling, it was frustrating, and it had us on the edges of our seats. Last night’s game between the Washington Hackers and the Usaru Maestros broke the record for the longest game in biotiball history. In the ninth overtime period after a whopping 91 minutes [Citadel Standard] of game time, the Maestros finally put away the winning basket to end it 79-77. Said Maestros forward Tyra T’Sanis, “Both sides were exhausted, and that’s when you let the fresh girls play defense. It was all we could do to keep that ball afloat.” Hackers coach Jerome Manning still thinks his team came out winners. “We took it to the Maestros on their home ground and we had them tied,” he said proudly. “Our players are 20, 30-years-old, up against players who’ve been in biotiball since the sport was founded, and we still gave the fans a show to remember.” The Hackers go on to play the New Orleans Loa next week, while the Maestros face the Seattle Sorcerers in the semifinals.

Tags: biotiball, Jerome Manning, Tyra T'Sanis, Usaru Maestros, Washington Hackers

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[Galactic News Network]

12/20/2185
December 20th, 2010

It’s a dirty job, but someone must do it. Lieutenant Astrae Rubicum of the occupying Hierarchy forces on Taetrus is responsible for culling the feral animals filling the cities. “It’s nearly impossible take care of pets at a safe camp,” he says, “so people just left them outside when they fled their houses.” Rubicum estimates over 50,000 pets were abandoned in Spaedar alone, and his animal corps has euthanized at least 10,000, not counting the ferals that don’t fit into the trucks and are immediately destroyed. “On the good days, it’s sad,” he says. “On the bad days, it’s gut-wrenching.” People are camping out at the crematostation every morning, waiting to see if the animal corps brings in their pets. If no one picks up the animals between intake and processing, they are euthanized. Rubicum hopes that families now returning to their homes will be able to reunite with their pets in time.

Tags: Hierarchy, Lieutenant Astrae Rubicum, Spaedar, Taetrus

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[Galactic News Network]

12/19/2185
December 19th, 2010

It’s a dream come true for 64-year-old multimillionaire Rakesh Dutta, whose daughter Kanta made the winning bid for Aish Ashland’s cloned heart last night. “Appa’s a total celebrity addict, and he loves his present!” Kanta raved to FirehoseofFame.com minutes after the final bid closed at 115.6 million credits. “He knew I was searching for a donor, but he had no idea he was getting Aish’s heart.” Ashland herself said in press release, “I’m so glad I could help someone who’s obviously one of those suffering people. I think suffering is a terrible thing and we should all try to avoid it as part of the Christmas season.” Dutta will be flown from his native Sri Lanka to Los Angeles, where he will undergo surgery to replace his heart with the 24-year-old socialite’s spare. Dutta’s heart was failing after a bout with diabetic cardiomyopathy.

Tags: aish ashland, Kanta Dutta, Rakesh Dutta

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[Galactic News Network]

12/18/2185
December 18th, 2010

If you ever wanted a piece of the galaxy’s ditziest socialite, now’s your chance. Aish Ashland is selling her heart online. It’s not the one currently in her chest, but one of two spares she had grown from cloned tissue at a lab in the Earth town of Pacific Palisades. “Originally it was there in case something awful happened,” she said, “but after my recent marital difficulties, I’ve decided that it’s time for the world to know that my heart has moved on.” Bidding starts at 50 million credits for the organ, which doctors say is in excellent shape. All proceeds from the sale of the heart will go to Aish’s self-founded charity, the Aishwarya Ashland Center for Rehabilitation Medicine.

Tags: aish ashland, Aishwarya Ashland Center for Rehabilitation Medicine, Pacific Palisades
Posted in Official News | 34 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/17/2185
December 17th, 2010

Once feared by the population, colonialist forces on Taetrus now face the daunting task of reconstruction and reuniting family members. The turian charity Orphans of War estimates that the Taetrus conflict now includes casualties of more than 75,000 missing persons and 16,000 children who have lost both parents. “The hastatim are supposed to get everyone,” says Corporal Vitola Raedun, “but at least half of the ones I know won’t shoot a kid even if he’s looting, so they end up in these holding pens that are practically halfway houses.” Raedun says the easiest way to reunite is to get on the extranet, but if the children are too young to use a computer, then relatives must go to the camps and the orphanages in person. “That’s just a nightmare,” Raedun says.

Tags: Corporal Vitola Raedun, Orphans of War, Taetrus
Posted in Official News | 21 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/16/2185
December 16th, 2010

After months of living in squalor at government-mandated safe camps, civilians in the Diluvian Wildlands of planet Taetrus are finally going home. Lana Ixiri, a banker who left for the camps early, had no idea what to expect. “All anyone knew was that there were bombings and lootings, so I thought I’d be coming back to a gutted house or a pile of rubble,” she says. Lana was one of the lucky ones. Some windows in her prefab house were shot out, but moisture damage to the wood-framed house was limited. Older neighboring houses have rotted and become unsafe. Lana is just one among thousands trying to reconstruct their lives now that the resistance has been quashed. “It’s been so long,” she says. “It’s hard to remember what normal is.”

Tags: Diluvian Wildlands, Lana Ixiri, Taetrus
Posted in Official News | 22 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/15/2185
December 15th, 2010

The Hearstfield Intercontinental Resort has made swimming a breeze, or at least breezy, with the opening of its microgravity water park on the moon of Voya. The park features a tidal pool with floating 20-foot waves, a miniature “mountain” of water, and a terrace composed of dozens of hot tubs suspended in midair. This three-story complex may seem overwhelming, but owner and manager Jacqueline Birchman says the Hearstfield has constantly pushed the bar of extravagance by never thinking small. “Everyone called the engineering and building challenges monumental,” Birchman says, “but we saw the opportunity to make every visit to the Hearstfield a galaxy-class event. Our suites are booked for up to a year, so our guests obviously agree.”

Tags: Heartsfield Intercontinental Resort, Jacqueline Birchman, microgravity water park
Posted in Official News | 30 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/14/2185
December 14th, 2010

Hospitals are once again cautioning people about overreliance on medi-gel. “It’s a lifesaver, but it can’t perform miracles,” says registered nurse Rutos Kar. “Emergency rooms are filled with people who think applying medi-gel on a fracture instantly heals it. Then they stand on the break and worsen the injury.” Kar advises people to go to a hospital in the event of major trauma but does recommend keeping your medi-gel supply topped up. “It’s excellent for first aid and preventing infections,” he says. “Medi-gel is handy when diseases from across the galaxy are getting dropped off at your local spaceport three times a day.”

Tags: medi-gel, medigel, Rutos Kar
Posted in Official News | 39 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/13/2185
December 13th, 2010

The weekend box office is in, and holiday fare is being passed over like bad fruitcake. The dance flick “Off Stage” opened at number one, raking in a tidy 2.73 billion credits. Loosely based on the true story of a paraplegic asari dancer who learns how to move almost entirely through biotics, the movie was a hit with critics who lauded newcomer Shai L’Tanas’ performance. Holding steady at number two, “Blasto Saves Christmas” absconded with 1.9 billion credits from audiences who can’t get enough of the hanar-exploitation hero. Sharpstickintheeye.com calls the sequel “wince-worthy.” Coming in at number three was “This One’s Hanukkah Cheer” with 955 million, followed by “With Genericized Holiday Spirit” at 673 million. “Teenage Ninja Kwanzaa Force” scraped up 448 million worth of laughs, landing last on the top-earner list.

Tags: Blasto Saves Christmas, Off Stage, Shai L'Tanas, Teenage Ninja Kwanzaa Force, This One's Hanukkah Cheer, With Genericized Holiday Spirit
Posted in Official News | 62 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/12/2185
December 12th, 2010

Grab some pillows, snacks, and a comfortable outfit! Got Serbos’ 342-hour-long epic, “Iota Horologii,” will be playing at select theaters in Citadel space this weekend. Released a decade ago, the critically acclaimed box office bomb tracks the fortunes of twelve alien families as their empires clash in an unnamed galaxy inside the Horologium supercluster. Viewers who don’t want to stay for the entire movie will be relieved to know they can come and go as they please. If the showing proves popular, the distributor is considering screening other lengthy cult classics such as the surreal 95-hour “Molt” or the 43-hour adaptation of the Earth classic “Gravity’s Rainbow.”

Tags: Got Serbos, Gravity's Rainbow, Iota Horologii, Molt
Posted in Official News | 36 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/11/2185
December 11th, 2010

The researchers studying Ekram’s biotic insect colony became unexpectedly stranded today. “We told the kirik we’d have to leave if our swarm-queen — that is, the Citadel — pulled us off-planet,” says head researcher Dr. Andile Ndiaye. “When we started back to base, the colony lifted our groundcar right off the road because it wanted to keep talking.” Despite the power of the hive’s biotics, Dr. Ndiaye says he never felt in danger and that the kirik immediately expressed concern that they’d damaged the team’s “feelers”. “Their curiosity is incredible,” says Dr. Ndiaye. “Leaving them after first contact would be like abandoning a child.” In response to this incident, the Citadel has sent several representatives to evaluate the kiriks’ current level of intelligence and compare it to standard galactic sapience tests.

Tags: Andrile Ndiaye, Citadel Council, Dr. Andile Ndiaye, Ekram, kirik

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[Galactic News Network]

12/10/2185
December 10th, 2010

Whether or not to uplift the biotic kirik colony of Ekram continues to be a popular and often contentious point of debate. “It’s ridiculous to compare this to Tuchanka,” writes political blogger Erlan Golta. “The krogan already had the capacity to use the weapons and starships we rained down on them. These insects don’t even know how to work a coffee maker.” Cydelle Fei, author and think-tank consultant, says it’s already too late to worry about that. “Whether it’s genetic research conglomerates or curious biotic tourists, we’re not going to leave these Ekramite bugs alone,” she writes. “At least bringing the colony fully into the fold of sentience will grant them rights and protections no dolphin or viyak ever had.”

Tags: Cydelle Fei, Ekram, Erlan Golta, kirik, tuchanka
Posted in Official News | 14 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/09/2185
December 9th, 2010

Dr. Andile Ndiaye released this controversial press statement earlier today about his work with the biotic and possibly intelligent kirik on Ekram: “At first our communication with the colony was basic — me, you, food, not-food — but the more our biotics ‘talk’ to them, the faster they learn. We suspect their complex social structure puts their learning ability on par with that of dolphins. ‘Uplift’ has become a dirty word, but the kirik are perfect candidates.” Seconds after his speech, the extranet exploded in a furious debate over Dr. Ndiaye’s proposal. The Citadel Council has sent several ships to monitor traffic to and from Ekram as it decides whether or not to permit the research team to remain on the planet.

Tags: Citadel Council, Dr. Andile Ndiaye, Ekram, kirik
Posted in Official News | 40 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/08/2185
December 8th, 2010

The insect-like kirik on Ekram are not only powerfully biotic, they could also be far more intelligent than Earth insects. Once the insect colony figured out the scientists studying it weren’t predators, the kirik began sending out unified biotic pulses in different strengths and patterns. “When a biotic repeated these patterns back,” says linguist Martha Cospiel, “the kiriks’ broadcast patterns changed. If this is indicative of systematic learning, it could be the beginning of real communication between us. It also indicates total brain volume is not as important as we once thought. We’re hoping they might be as clever as cats or even dogs.”

Tags: biotics, Ekram, kirik, Martha Cospiel

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[Galactic News Network]

12/07/2185
December 7th, 2010

Biologists on the arid world of Ekram were shocked when an insectoid colony shoved them back from its nest with a biotic field. “At first I thought it was our meteorologist, Darren, goofing around with his L1 implant,” says Dr. Andile Ndiaye, who leads the team studying a beetle-like invertebrate called a kirik. While most animals can theoretically develop biotics if exposed to element zero at the earliest stage of their lifecycle, insects and similar arthropod-like species on other planets were previously thought to lack the complex neural pathways needed to develop control over biotic powers. “We’re getting calls from all sorts of specialists,” says Dr. Ndiaye. “Studying the kirik will be a treat if we can actually get near the little critters again.”

Tags: biotics, Dr. Andile Ndiaye, Ekram, kirik
Posted in Official News | 52 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/06/2185
December 6th, 2010

A team of reporters from Second Star Broadcasting has made a discovery that they claim puts the war on Garvug in an entirely new light. Working undercover for several months at Guanghui Solutions, the journalists uncovered evidence that the company, along with Sonax Industries, was concealing a cache of Prothean technology on Garvug for their own private financial gain. The reporters’ painstaking documentation has garnered the attention of the Citadel Council’s Committee on Paleotechnology, which demanded that the corporations allow their inspection team full access to the Garvug site in question or face reprisals to their offices in Citadel space. The investigation promises to delay Guanghui’s release of a high-performance mass effect field generator scheduled to be on the market in just a few months.”

Tags: Citadel Council, Garvug, Guanghui Solutions, Second Star Broadcasting, Sonax Industries
Posted in Official News | 68 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/05/2185
December 5th, 2010

The last shovel of soil has been laid over the time capsule buried underneath the Cairn, an ambitious sculpture its project lead hopes will be her longest-lasting monument. “Most time capsules are lost or abandoned,” says Andrea Schumacher, the Cairn’s lead architect. “The Cairn has been inscribed with pictograms developed by anthropologists and semioticians. These graphics are designed to show any species that there’s something buried below. What any given race makes of the capsule is for history to decide.” The Cairn is a simple, 300-meter block covered with a thick coat of weather-resistant, nigh-indestructible polymer. Over 20 museums have contributed materials for the capsule, including instructions on how to build starship drive cores and a map of the galaxy’s mass relays.

Tags: Andrea Schumacher, Cairn, Cairn Monument
Posted in Official News | 19 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/04/2185
December 4th, 2010

Rare salarian artifacts will be returned to Mannovai after a month-long visit to the colony by Professor Baliya Haphia. “The families of the salarians I met changed my mind on where these artifacts should ultimately rest,” says the professor, who had staunchly defended keeping the items in the museum of the University of Serrice. “Sometimes it is easy to forget that a curator’s job is not only to preserve the past, but also to inspire the next generation with its own history.” Credited with facilitating the agreement reached between the University of Serrice and Mannovai, Professor Haphia has been asked to accompany the honor guard escorting the artifacts back home.

Tags: Baliya Haphia, Mannovai, University of Serrice
Posted in Official News | 43 Comments »

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[Galactic News Network]

12/03/2185
December 3rd, 2010

Youth United is a galaxy-wide extranet group that aims to connect young people of all species. Founder Darchas Clark says he wants to provide a helpful, positive environment for children to learn about each others’ cultures. A batarian raised in a human family, Clark says he knows things can be difficult for young people of mixed backgrounds. “My parents were good people, but they didn’t know how to help with my struggle to relate to either batarian or human cultures when I was a kid,” he recalls. “It’s important that Youth United lets kids know they’re not alone in that struggle. There’s still too many vicious and ignorant attitudes towards mixed families out there.” The group’s services include chat sessions with peers and counselors, free classes on alien languages and cultures, and a guide to the galaxy’s major legal systems.

Tags: Darchas Clark, Youth United
Posted in Official News | 105 Comments »